You Know You are a Conservative When

When...	But...
You defend huge pay packages for executives because you need to pay to attract talent	Oppose increasing school funding because there is no proof that throwing money at the problem will make it better
During good economic times you want tax cuts because "it's our money and should be returned to us". During bad economic times you want tax cuts because we need to stimulate economic growth	Are shocked at the size of the deficit
You are pro-life, demonstrating for every fetus and brain dead comatose person on life support	You oppose taxes and regulation on pollution and cigarettes You oppose paying for universal health care
You say "Government is the problem, not the solution"	Still want paved roads, functioning schools, fire fighters, police, a military, diplomats, courts, a coast guard and safe food.
You gleefully celebrate the free market's successes and point to urban housing from the 60s and 70s and other government failures	Ignore WorldCom, Enron, AIG, B of A, and government successes like the GI bill, TVA, DARPAnet, and the interstate highway system.
You have no problem running huge deficits for 8 years under Bush to finance tax cuts that widen the gap between rich and poor to levels not seen since the 1920s	Take to the streets throwing "tea parties" when Obama chooses huge deficits to finance a stimulus package to ameliorate the greatest economic crisis of our generation
Remember that tea parties are to protest taxation	conveniently forget that it is to protest taxation without representation
You refuse to believe the overwhelming science behind evolution and global warming	Trust the science that makes your refrigerator, car, and Viagra work
Oppose gay marriage because the Bible and tradition say marriage is between one man and one woman and we shouldn't change tradition	Conveniently forget the traditions of polygamy in the old testament and bans on inter-racial marriage
Oppose gay marriage because every child deserves two parents of opposite sex	Never protest divorce, allowing marriage between infertile individuals, and have no problem with the fact that opposing gay marriage leaves kids in foster care
Oppose government intrusion into our private lives	but oppose legalizing assisted suicide
Oppose government intrusion into our private lives	but oppose gay marriage
Oppose government intrusion into our private lives	but support strong marijuana laws
View government regulations and regulators with hostility, claiming that eventually the market will punish bad actors so nobody will misbehave	Wonder where the regulators were when you invested with Madoff and Enron and bought those lead toys for your kids
Believe in private markets because the private sector will always do it better and cheaper	but ignore the overwhelming evidence that Meidcare is more efficient than private insurers, military contractors overcharge us, subsidized student loans are more expensive than direct....
Oppose immigration because immigrants take our jobs and depress wages	Favor free trade because off-shoring reduces a company's costs and results in lower priced goods and a higher standard of living for all
Don't want to talk to Cuba or Iran because they are run by tyrants	Want to engage China and Saudi Arabia because cultural exchange and mutual understanding can lead to positive change
Believe government power must be constrained	Support warrant-less wiretapping, detention without trial of "enemy combatants" and anything else the President decides makes us safer